Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Knitting, Brides& Loneliness

C'mon........ that is one gorgeous sleeve! In all of it's lovely Noro striping wonder, now appearing is sleeve one, almost finished now. The cuff is about 2 inches high and worked sideways, I-Cord surrounds the top and bottom and the sleeve itself is picked up and rises above the I-Cord increasing merrily. It's a bit of a pleasure to knit the sleeve after all of the mitered square fussiness. It's garter stitch, smooth sailing!

The bride and groom? Aren't they gorgeous as well? It was sort of a sad day for me knowing that when Mike and Michelle got married there would be far less contact than there has been over the past year when we did four engagement sessions with them. They are after all, one of my absolute favorite wedding couples. We love their extended family (with two former brides and grooms among them) and we've done family portraits and events for their wide circle of family and friends. These two are super special though, just a delight! Michelle is not only pretty as can be but so sweet and kind and genuine you are really taken by the whole package that is this woman. Her husband Mike is probably one of my favorite grooms EVER. Let me tell you, everybody just adores Mike! He reminds me a lot of my son although not in appearance, but in personality. Mike is the nicest guy in the world with an A+++ personality, funny---- warm, kind genuine, and adorable! When I asked them to pose with my knitting they immediately agreed and Mike said "Hey, I'm here for you, I am all about the knitting blog!" Whatta guy! I am pleased to report that their wedding ceremony was beautiful, Mike WROTE A SONG for Michelle and his cousin performed it right in the middle of Mass! So romantic! Then when we went out on two hours of location photography we just had the best time AND the weather was near perfect, sunny and with a nice breeze to keep it from being too (unseasonably) hot. The reception was held at a lovely country club and it was such a very nice event. I know you want the "Cake Report" but I must tell you first that dinner was unquestionably the best meal I've ever had at a wedding reception, filet medium rare, skin on garlic mashed potatoes, a veggie medley and all that yumminess was preceded by a really good Caesar salad. Fab! A glass of wine would have been great but y'know---- that working thing! Cake was merely 'okay', white cake white frosting---- it was rather typical wedding cake. Do not for one moment be tempted to believe that I did not eat every bite and scrape the plate with my fork of every squidgel of that sweet wedding cake frosting!

The funny thing about the day, with funny being not the word I'd use, is that I cried all day long. Really, all day long. It started at the church when the bride's dad kept crying------awwwwwww so touching! They were a dad and daughter who really and truly loved each other so much! Then I cried during the ceremony, if you could have seen the look on Mike's face when Michelle came down the aisle, wow! Of course during the song he wrote for her (titled "THE ONE") I was damn near losing it--- no Kleenex and knowing I'd look like rat pooty for the rest of the day! I kept it together pretty much on location as we were in and out of the car/bus so often and I was busy with bride wrangling. The reception? Oh dear............... sniffle city. Remember, I do this every week and almost never cry! The first dance was so sweet, the father bride dance was heart wrenching (of course they danced to "I Loved Her First") and the other little details that comprise a wedding reception were just achingly fresh and sweet. Occasionally during the reception we have a laptop slideshow of a few of the day's images so I'm busier, but on this evening I really had almost nothing to do. After eating of course. At one point I was in the back room (used for lunches at the club perhaps) which was empty of guests and there was a side door going out, I could see a patch of gravel against the building and all I could think about was how much I wanted to go outside, curl up there and just sob like I couldn't stop........... cry for everything and anything that was now or had ever been missing in my life. I was at that moment more lonely than I've ever been in my life. Achingly, emptily, sadly, horribly alone.

Friends are the jewels in your life, they love you no matter what, support you in all ventures, keep your head above the water when your going down and make you laugh for the good as well as the bad. My friends have, for the most part, all sailed away. Since arriving in a new town four years ago I am relatively friendless. The two guys across the street whom I adore don't count, they just don't. And that my Blitters, just sucks. Up until the gravel called me to sit and reflect, to fully embrace my sadness, and to cry buckets I had largely ignored this fact. This truth. I'd rolled along laboring under the notion that it was OKAY. After all, I've always been really, really good at being solo---- I like my own company, I love 'me time', and I'm pretty good at entertaining myself. I guess the crowning touch was when I was pulling email. The email addresses come across for those who have gone to view events we currently have online; weddings, engagement sessions, family portraits, kids, babies, etc. One of the names that jumped out from the screen (out of nowhere) was that of a woman who used to be My Friend. She betrayed me, cut me loose and really hurt me at a time when I needed friends most. That particular time in my life is still raw and painful. Seeing her name was like a blow to the gut that took my breath away, and yes I've been sniffling ever since.

It is going to be just fine---- it always is. But for now I'm still a little weepy. I went to bed last night at 9 o'clock----- maybe with a bit more sleep and maybe a cup of good coffee from the place down the street from the Brand New Studio Location, the sun will shine again.


Unknown said...

ahhhhh. cheer up. find some knitting friends. they will treat you right!

i tend to isolate too sometimes. the problem with that is when i come up for air, there's no one there.

so i have been investing more time in cultivating friendships. i think it will be better for me for the long haul.

Jenni said...

Gosh...I'm so sorry. I don't have very many close friends. If it weren't for my hubby, I'd be a wreck. He always hassles me since he worries that if something happened to him I would be all alone.

Virtuous said...

I love that pic!! NORO and Denise needles in a wedding pic makes it all perfect! I so want a photo like that one day when I get married! Haha! :o)

All of my close friends no longer live here in the same city with me and even though we say nothing will changed - at the end of the day it does matter.

I too have am in a place in my life in trying to building more friendships.

I am like you and can entertain myself pretty well, but we really were made to interact and to loved/be loved by others.

I pray that your ache of loneliness will be replace with new and meaningful relationships that brings lots of joy, comfort, and laughter!