Thursday, October 11, 2007

Knitting Off

Okay, it's been two days since I've knit a single stitch and everyone knows that makes me seriously cranky.

I've been at it since 9 this morning and really the sad part is that I don't have a heckuva lot to show for it. Ridiculously crazy.

Two, count 'em two brides to wrangle this weekend, both big weddings--- one Friday and one Saturday. I'm bringing my knitting if for no other reason than I will want to look at my sleeve occasionally and willing it to grow. I might have to sneak in a knitting bride photo as well!

Continuing on with my previous thread a couple days back I do have some musings about friends and coming into the lesbian community 4 years ago------ I didn't expect culture shock but got it just the same. You see, there is almost (at least in my experience) a backlash against the formerly married to a man types like myself. Like it somehow denigrated anything about me! I was too 'pretty', too 'girly', too something or other. I didn't fit 'the mold' whatever that was. (Don't you hate that, fitting into anyone's idea of what they think you should be.....geez!) I don't measure people but just try to love them for who and what they are so the whole thing sort of took me back, y'know? For me anyway it is about respecting each other as well as loving individuals without feeling the need to categorize or label. I felt labeled and wrongly so. Generally speaking, I didn't make 'friends'.............. there just wasn't the click. I had been used to friends that you shared things with, dished with, and did 'things' with. The doing things with was not a problem but the dishing just didn't happen. All that to say that I'm pretty much learning that the women around me at the moment (both gay and straight) are peripheral friends. I keep a lot to myself and learn how to handle things on my own, it's all good. What seems to be the common thread in friendships for the moment are two things, knitting and spirituality.
My knit friends are largely online--- a group that sounds like loads of fun meets on Sunday's near my house but I haven't made it over there yet (shame on me). Spirituality has always been incredibly important to me and I do have a core of friends that share my beliefs.

I'm learning that I don't have the friends in the same context I used to------ and learning to make that work. NOT to fall into the lonely pit, we've gone there together before and it really isn't a place I like to stay!

Why does it have to be about the makeup on the outside????? The stuff we throw on literally and figuratively that makes us fit the mold? It seems to me that we spend an awful lot more time worrying about that than what's on the inside!

The old friends? Almost all of them threw me over when I didn't have the Mercedes or the fancy lifestyle. They couldn't accept the fact that I was happy but only focused on what it was on the outside. One of my best friends from 'back then' has a daughter getting married in this town in a few weeks, and no----- we're not doing the wedding. It makes my heart hurt a bit that I wasn't invited, even as a vendor! My ex-friend and I had always looked forward to the day when we'd live in the same town, do things together, dish and talk all the time and travel and have the best time! Instead she cut me like bait. Sometimes I feel sad, lonely, and the rest of those negative feelings-------- lately I'm trying to remember that it is truly her loss. Big loss sister, you have no idea! I'm also secretly hoping that she looks like crap in her mother of the bride dress. Mean, but true!

Seems to me like I need to Get Knittin'! If I hurry I might be able to get even a row of my sleeve done, and that Blitters might begin to set me to rights!

1 comment:

Virtuous said...

I must agree with you when I have friendships with a lot of meeting but no dishing I don't really consider them close friends.
There is always time to rebuild true meaningful friends. I don't care if it is just one more in my lifetime. If it is a true friendship I will be satisfied with that!

I hope you get some knitting in between the weddings!!!

Have a great weekend!