Living in a constant state of faith. Is that what it all boils down to?
My journal pages these days seem to be a rather constant and repetitive sound of faith. Faith lived, faith within, faith without.
I know that I absolutely hate living in a constant sense of need, or to put it more precisely=== the state of self employment. Never really knowing if it is all going to pan out. But faith is rejoicing when it's all said and done as well as before, at least for me. And what we hate, isn't that what we need most?
For the most part, I'm not sure why there is questioning at all, I can look back over my shoulder and see that there has never been a time that I was without the things that are needed. (Remembering that want and need are two different things!)
I figure that wrapping my arms around the concept of faith is what I need most to be doing right now. So it goes. Undoubtedly the coming of spring will boost faith for us all, there is nothing like the buds on a tree or the first flowers pushing through the soil to remind us that we are not (thankfully) left in charge of running the universe! I try not to berate myself for having to revisit the concept over and over again, after all I am not 'done' yet!
But does wishing to give up living in a state of needful expectancy mean that you are either spiritually full or that you have everything you need and have then no need for faith? Either way, what comes out the ink onto the paper is faith and rejoicing.
"Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O captive Israel. "Why are we rejoicing? I've been to baseball games where the home team led throughout the game and held on for a slim victory; that brought sighs of relief, but not rejoicing. Rejoicing comes when the home team is behind.. a win seems out of reach and then a ninth inning rally concludes with a walk-off home run and victory. That's rejoicing." © 2008 Northland, A Church Distributed
Maybe it is the coldness, the ongoing everpresent winter, the ice and snow and the terminal gray that seems to cause such deep introspection, I don't know. But I do know that I'm learning to relax into faith, embrace the unknown and move forward with more confidence. A life long project for me, I always wonder if and why it is easier for some?
My darling Bernina has had parts ordered---- I do hope they come quickly as I miss her so! I've completely lost the rhythm of the last bag. Although I visit the sewing room every day it just isn't the same. My hope is that they hurry their sweet selves right along!
Knitting has begun on the first sleeve of Cable Luxe, so far so good. I really do want this sweater to be finished.
I have faith that it will!