Monday, November 12, 2007

Rainy and Gray

Veteran's Day Monday------ less traffic, except in the mall. And wouldn't you know that is where I did manage to spend a couple of hours today. I was able to have a nice wallow in Anthropologie checking out their always amazingly lustable items. Their sweaters are just great, some younger and trendier than I would wear of course, but they are great. Amazing how many of them are picked up by knit patterns in the following season!

Cool Nano case, eh? I bought three, one to keep and two for my girls who love their iPods as much as I do. This one is great, hard case to protect and yet it shows your fab color (mine is red). I found it at The Container Store for $6.99, can't beat that! It was right next to Borders (home of Interweave glory) and a fabulous White Mocha Maple----- too good for words!

Meg Swansen says that True Knitters are those that "have to knit everyday". That makes me a True Knitter indeed! My knitting early this morning was on the leggings that I SWEAR I'm going to get done in the next day or two. They will be done before I leave and embark on yet more travel knitting. I say that because you know dipdog well that I can lie like a freakin' rug and say that I am not going to cast on any more projects but my nose is already growing at an alarming rate! I have three more projects sketched in my little travel notebook so you can bet they'll take shape soon. Especially since I have every intention of soon having another set of needles to use. (And shhhhh, don't tell anyone but I BOUGHT more needles too!) The leggings had the crotch stitches on wool and I finally couldn't stand looking at them gaping anymore, it was somehow------------- well, lets just say that I was tired of it. I decided to use the three needle bind off and I think it's perfect for this area. Definitely stronger than a plain graft and if there is anyone staring at the crotch of the leggings that bloody close, well they are on my short list! They're currently on waste yarn for a try on and I'll know how much more 2x2 ribbing they'll need to get to the end of the road. I looooooooooooooong for the end of the road!

My little girl dog was sick last night so I was up early on duty and blocked the Mystery Frag(ment). Even in it's wee-ness, it's still pretty cool. Can't you see it on a black or dark velvet pillow as the envelope flap?

As long as I was unable to get any sleep due to a small furry not feeling well annoyance, I sat with Miss Hana Dog and cast on a swatch for her sweater.

Pretty great, yes? The colors are wonderful, the yarn was el cheapo and is fun to knit. A perfect combination for a doggie sweater which I think should not be the very finest of yarn. Unless you are Melissa maybe and face the lure (and discounts no doubt) of Webs every day! Or maybe if you are Sheri and live with the unbearable temptations of The Loopy Ewe!!!

I picked up the new Interweave Knits today, very yummy projects, I have to say that I like the issue a LOT! Like I need the encouragement, right???? At first glance through I can't say what project I like more, and the knits in the ads are equally enchanting!

On this very rainy and gray (although happily well above normal temperature) day, I'm a bit blue myself. Daughter number one has my heart a little sore. She has three amazingly wonderful boys, good and funny kids each of them. Her husband is, well I've disliked him since the day I met him. As a matter of fact my nickname for him is a long one that can't be repeated in its' entirety except to say that it partially entails the fact that he is fat, lisps, has red hair and his masculinity is perhaps akin to a pencil. The man is rude, selfish and just totally unlikeable. As my daughter told me when I saw her, she now knows what everyone tried to tell her, she married too young and he was too old and unappropriate. She was just in a hard spot in her life then and got carried away by the whateverness of the whole dang thing. I hate it. I don't hate that she understands that she deserves better, I've waited a long time for her to grasp that she is wonderful and beautiful and special and to see her self esteem rise up out of the muck. Was it totally great to see her hubby and know that I really didn't care what he said or did or thought as he was a short-timer? Yes. I ache for my child, my oldest. The end of a marriage is a totally sucky thing. Totally. No matter how it ends (and she has not made that final determination yet, but it is very over) it hurts like every breath of hell! And I, her proud and adoring mother can do nothing but listen, and pray, and love her and pray some more. I can only hope that my experience in the marriage ending department can be drug from the ashes and used for the good of someone I love, when it was so hard for me at the time.

When I divorced it was not because he cheated on me, or beat me, or anything that I could point a finger at and say 'aha'! But sometimes, the things that go on behind closed doors are the worst offenders of all, the horrible things that destroy your soul and puncture your heart. Self esteem suffers so dramatically, at least it did in my case and that of most women going through divorce that I have seen. In my case, my ex was cold, emotionally vacant, and just flat mean. Mean to the point that when he'd say something ugly I could feel one more little piece of my heart just breaking off, never to be seen again. And I knew that at some point there would be so little functioning heart remaining and the loneliness even in the midst of a marriage would be so great that something would snap and I'd be empty. That is absolutely what happened and nothing that anyone could say or do could begin to put me together again. I think that is the hardest thing to go through---- to know that YOU are the only one that can begin to rebuild your soul. That you have to be the one that believes that to have a wonderful life is something that is expressly deserved, and then to act on that knowledge. My daughter is just realizing that she is broken beyond any repair and that she just might deserve to be happy before the end of her life. If you have gone through a divorce, or even the end of a relationship, you know that it is just one of the mile markers on the road to wholeness and that the peace that eludes you is perhaps only temporary.

2 comments:

Jenni said...

I am sorry for your daughter. We make some of the biggest decisions of our lives when we are really too young to make them. It is pretty scarey. I've been married 15 years, and although my hubby is a good guy, it is still hard at times, so I can only imagine Remember that is also takes some guts to admit it's over and go on. I am sure that it is not easy to do.

dana said...

isn't it great that our worst experiences can benefit others.

hey, licorice. have going to make a hat outta mine - at your suggestion - but i need another skein.

can't wait to see the dog coat.